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First, about last night. Kevin took me on the most epic date night adventure. @okczoo date night was amazing. I was totally in my element and it was just what my soul needed. We went to @thedrakeokc before and had champagne and oysters. Then went to @cuppiesandjoe for some nostalgia. He gave me the prettiest black diamond earrings and the weather was perfect. It was just such a great night and I love him so much. ⭐️ I’ve seen a lot of posts and talked to a few people who agree that 2019 has been weird and hard and strange. Maybe we are all going through some kind of shift in collective consciousness. I don’t know. But whatever it is, I’m thankful for it. It’s been super hard, but change is good. My relationship with this guy has been strengthened in the last six months because of all the weird shit. It’s crazy to think about the things that have brought us closer together. That’s all for now. K bye! ⭐️
My view 4 days a week. The weather has been beautiful and I’m just soaking it up. Swipe for cute geese and ducks and a giant fishie. ⭐️ You knew there would be more to this post right? It’s not too long this time. For the last week I’ve really just tried to be in the moment and not force anything. The crazy thing is that usually when I stop trying so hard to find resolution, it comes so easy. If you’ve been keeping up with my ramblings, you know I’m going through some changes in my life. Bottom line is, I’m stripping away the labels I’ve put on myself. I am an artist, but once I stop creating, I don’t stop existing. I guess you could say I’m going through an identity transformation. Like a butterfly. It’s hard to break out of that warm cocoon, but I’m getting there. And I know it will happen all over again many times throughout my life. I have some ideas and plans, but I want to keep them open-ended and not put unnecessary pressure on myself like I have in the past. I’ll be sharing them at some point. Thanks so much for following along with me. I feel the love. ✌🏽
15 years of shenanigans with this guy. 10 years ago today we had a pretty awesome party to celebrate our love. Happy Anniversary babe. Love you. 💛💚
This is super long and maybe should have been a blog post, but oh well. It will be continued in the comments below. Here I am putting myself out there again. First off I want to say that I’m so lucky that I have time to devote to myself. A lot people live very busy lives with jobs and kids and don’t have the luxury of even taking the time to work on themselves. So I recognize that. Part of my self care journey has been journaling, so I’ll be sharing some of that. I hope someone somewhere can get some inspiration from it, but just to get it out there and off my chest feels good too. ⭐️ Focusing on myself has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Over the past year I’ve made myself take time for me, made myself slow down and scheduled “self care” more times than I can count. At first it would involve taking a bath, watching some trashy tv and painting my nails; surface level self care. Over the winter I fell into a hole. I was forced to work on my mental health or continue with the constant internal struggle. ⭐️ I think I knew on some level that I wasn’t fully happy; that I had lost myself somewhere along the way in this journey. I wrapped myself up in what I thought was my identity. I am an artist. I am a creative. In a strange way this prevented me from finding who I really was, or remembering. ⭐️ I make art and do creative things, but I am not those things. Once I stop creating, I don’t stop existing, I don’t stop being me. Those things do not define me. I know this now, but when I started to make time for myself, I felt guilty and lost and shameful. I realized it was my lack of love for myself, the me at the core, away from the labels. I approached self care as something to reset and fix me which implied that something was wrong with me. When in reality I had put so much pressure on myself and these labels that I couldn’t see past them. ⭐️ Continued in comments.....

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